Can't sleep

It's just after mid-night and I can't sleep. I'm beginning to think that having the lap top in bed with me is a bad idea. But I'll try to weene myself off starting tomorrow.

I often can't find a way to shut off my brain and tonight is no exception. Even though I know that 5am will hurt like hell. Because you see I can't sleep now but I would have no problem slumbering my way into the early afternoon hours. Especially on a work day. Anyway, tonight seems worse than usual. I think that's the worste part about a failed relationship, lost friendship or broken heart. It's not the pain itself, but the self inflicted torture.

I've been thinking a lot about applying for a job in Switzerland. Could be my last opportunity to go back before marriage and kids (a girl can dream). That's what I'm telling myself but deep down I think I'm just wanting to run away from the memories and the ghosts that haunt me here in town.

Maybe this idea is something to discuss with my therapist.