A Bag of Tools

Isn't it strange how princes and kings,
and clowns that caper in sawdust rings,
and common people, like you and me,
are builders for eternity?

Each is given a list of rules;
a shapeless mass; a bag of tools.
And each must fashion, ere life is flown,
A stumbling block, or a Stepping-Stone.

by R. Lee Sharpe

I first read this poem when we liven in Provo many years ago. I found it in a binder in my Dad's office that turned out to be a school project that he had made many years before. It was a binder full of poems and the very first one was A Bag of Tools. I read it several times that day and put it back in the bookshelf. As the years passed I often thought of the poems last line and tried to think of the obstacles in my life as an opportunity to grow, a chance to climb one step closer to my end goal.

A couple of days ago I was trying to re-arrange my room (Dad's office that I am currently living in) to give myself a little more room and I came across the same binder. I opened it up to the first poem and read the words again. This morning as I got up and put yesterday behind me, because believe me it was a very bad day, I realized that the hurt and pain we feel when we loose someone or they hurt us is inevitable, but the circumstances themselves are open for interpretation. I can't control the pain I feel or the loss of the relationship but I can choose to use this experience as a stepping stone. So I got dressed, ate some cereal, made some brownies to thank someone for being so kind to me and embraced the ache in my heart a little more than yesterday.

Caution!

I went on a little hike this past weekend in the Sandia Mountains to get some time away from the family and to love on myself a little. It was a beautiful New Mexico day and I felt a feeling of peace come over me as soon as I stepped out on the trail. I took a backpack filled with trail mix ,water, my journal and my favorite fountain pen that my cousin Mirjam sent me from Switzerland a while back. I had this idea of finding some secluded meadow of wild flowers and spending hours writing and lounging in the warm sun and the light breeze.

The trail was filled with families, groups of cute men who I think were gay (why are the cute ones either married or gay?), hand holding couples, dogs with long panting tongues hanging from their mouths, and me. Oh and one really good looking trail runner that inspired me to be in better shape as he ran past me. The trail is 1.5 miles across the top of the mountain to the top of the tram where High Finance Restaurant is located and then the same route back. As I made it to the tram station I noticed a sign (above) placed to warn visitors that had just taken the tram up the mountain and were stepping into the wilderness for the first time. I thought to myself that I needed a sign like that in my life, a sign to caution me when I am entering hazardous terrain. And then I realized that I already have a caution sign, the Holy Ghost! He warns me of danger and of a bumpy trail a head. He cautions me to proceed carefully and to be aware of the terrain. He isn't as obvious or as brightly colored as the sign on the trail but he is always with me. My Father in Heaven knew that my road would be rough at times, that I would be traveling through mountainous terrain, and that I would need caution and guidance.

As I hiked back to the car to head home I thought about my life and all the twists and turns my road has taken the past 5 months. I thought about the unexpected place my trail had taken me and how just like my hike that day I wasn't sitting in a meadow of wild flowers but was scrambling over boulders and tree roots instead. It hasn't been an easy hike, and it's far from over, but I felt blessed that my Heavenly Father reminded me that I am not alone and that I always have His guidance and warning signs if I just pay attention.

Mothers Day, Graduation and State...GO BEARS!

hApPy MoThErS dAy MoM aNd GrOsSi!!!

My Grandmother (my mothers mother) came to visit us from Australia. Having her in Albuquerque for Mother's Day was an added bonus. We all agree that she is a total blast to have around. She can make you laugh for hours!! Her heart is pure gold and we miss her already!

Christine graduated from La Cueva High School. 15 years ago I graduated from the same place. We had a wonderful time watching her and there were moments it seemed impossible that she is now 18 and a young woman.

This is often what it looks like when the four of us are together. We laugh non-stop and I can't think of a time when I have ever been happier than when I am with them.

I love this picture of Christine! I love seeing her so in love and Warrick is an incredible young man. It doesn't surprise me that her first love is such an incredible person.


State Track and Field Competition was the weekend following graduation. Christine has ran track all four years of high school and will try and run at UNM this fall. She is an incredible athlete. She had a hard time on the day of finals. It was crazy weather with wind gusts up to 40 mph. She is barely 100 lbs and running into that kind of wind was almost impossible.

Her heart was broken and she really questioned if she was any good. It was heartbreaking to see her fail at something she wanted so passionately. She wanted the state title in hurdles and on another day she might have gotten it. It was a hard lesson to learn but needed none the less. It truly is about the journey and not the destination.

She is such an inspiration to me. I strive every day to be more like her. She has a fierce determination to be the best that she can be and I want to emulate that.

Christine was the High-Point athlete for her team. She competed in 100m hurdles, 300m hurdles, triple jump. 4x100m relay, 4x400 meter relay. She has ran and jumped more events than any other girl on her team. I am so proud of her and can't wait to see what she does next.

Olivia (junior) has always been a basketball player. This year she decided to play softball and made the Varsity team. They went to State and took 3rd. We traveled to Las Cruces to see the finals and it was so great to see her play. She plays left field and couldn't possibly be any better. She made some incredible plays that went so fast I didn't even have time to watch let alone react.

She has an incredible mind for the game and I can't imagine how far she will go her senior year. She may actually get a chance to play in college.

But more than just her amazing athletic gift...she is the best person I have ever met. Her heart is un-matched. I have never heard her say a negative thing about anyone. She loves everyone she meets. She touches every person she comes in contact with. I know that she is a choice and special daughter of Heavenly Father and I know that he keeps her close to his heart. There is nothing more precious than looking at her amazing smile. I can only hope to be the amazing individual that she is. Actually, we can all only hope to be that full of love.

Happy 18th Birthday Christine!

18 years ago today, a little Angel came into the world!

I still remember the moment I first laid eyes on her. She was the closest thing to Heaven I had ever seen. She was brilliant, and sparkly and more beautiful than any other baby in the world. And then she opened her mouth... (j/k wee head) She had pipes to rival the ones in the tabarnacle. I can recall one time in particular where we had to pull over on the side of the road because nobody could ignore that sound. She was a pill, but she was my best friend and she changed my life. Before this angel came to earth I didn't understand what it meant to love another person with every facet of your existence. She has been an example to me for 18 years, she has always called me out when I needed it (even at age 1) and loved me unconditionally.
So today I celebrate the past 18 years and all the love, laughter and tears of sisterhood and I look forward to another 50 on this earth together and an eternity after. Happy Brithday my beautiful, strong, courageous, free-spirited, talented, exceptional, loving, supporting, laugh-out-loud funny angel sister!

Christine's 1st Birthday

Christmas 2008

Homecoming 2008

I created...then I destroyed

I started this painting with very high hopes of creating something incredible. That should have been my first clue that things weren't going to go as planned.

You might be able to tell on the right side of the painting is a can of indoor semi-gloss. I loved the consistency of the pain as it pooled onto the painting and it looked amazing...

...until it started to dry.



But i kept going hoping it would trun out okay. This was the final and it was still a little wet. So after it dried and I had crater-sized cracks in my flowers, and the black paint had run I decided to remove the black pain and see if I couldn't re-touch the white with acrylic instead.

Once I took the black off it left a very cool design. I was excited again for just a moment as I pondered ways to fix the cracks. I tried the acrylic but it just couldn't cover the damage. In one last ditch attempt I took the power sander to the painting in hopes of sanding off the excess paint and thereby eliminating my crack problem (I had a crack problem. =0)).

Sadly I have to report that the painting is now displayed at the local land-fill because no matter the effort I couldn't save my masterpiece.

Such is life... on to the next one I guess.

Finished a painting

I started this painting about a month ago and I think it's finally finished. I have very mixed feelings about it. Some days I love it, other times not so much.
Christine thinks it's great so I might just have a graduation present for her after all.
For now the painting resides over the fireplace although it is really out of place there.

This is the new painting I started. =0) Hopefully it will turn into something amazing. But even if not, I get such stress relief and pleasure from painting that the rewards to me are so worth it.

Why can't I get my head around this...

So Kasie showed me this video the other night and I found myself in tears by the end. I know that most of you reading this have a completely different opinion than I do about this subject but I urge you to watch this and keep an open heart. I can not, for the life of me, get my head around the hate that people have for the decision of others to simply love each other.

When I think of the mired of couples I have met in my life and the % of those couples that have endured infidelity, betrayal and even divorce, I question why it is that we as a society want to tear apart a couple that simply wants the right to be faithful, loving and committed.

I wonder if some of my friends that have cheated would take their vows so lightly if they had to fight for the right to say them in the first place.

I know that opposition to this issue is deeply rooted in the gospel. And I pray that someday Heavenly Father will help me come to terms with the church's stance on gay marriage because as my "interim" bishop pointed out the other day, there is no grey - Only black and white.
To which I explained that this was very white and black to me.

I will say that I hope and pray to the same Father that these sweet families and loving couples can have the same rights that the rest of us enjoy. May their children be protected by the same laws that protect ours and may they be entitled to the same benefits as you and I enjoy.

Anyhow...I warned you that we probably don't see eye to eye on this issue. But hopefully you will take a moment to watch anyway. And feel free to share your thoughts. I believe in the freedom of expression, even when I disagree.


"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.